Guess what!!??? I just got news that we might be going on a new road trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A SEVEN-DAY ONE!!!!!
Squirrels, am I excited!
We're apparently driving up to Ashland, Oregon, to see another BORING Shakespeare play (during which I have to stay by myself in the hotel room or car and just bark and sniff at squirrels!) but I heard we might be staying in a cool train (which, may I add, is even scarier because of my fear of train whistles!!!) so this road trip is going to be a complete disaster, obviously.
Wait, what's that you say?
Oops, I'm wrong, the train whistle will not be working.
What a naughty misinformed doggie I am.
Oh well.

Excited-cited-cited,
Pups

Dear Dogs of the World, 
I find that many of our K9 companions do not know what a Rab-a-bit (more comonly spelt rabbit) is! I have therefore included pictures and definitions for all of my canine companions. 
And a word of advice... NEVER, EVER chase a rab-a-bit when your People are watching. They'll scold you, even if you're in PUBLIC and cute as a... puppy!
Rab-a-bits More commonly spelled rabbits, rab-a-bits are small, furry, brown or white or black creatures that some people have because they can't have a dog. But they are fun to chase.
Squirrel  Gray or reddish creatures that for some strange reason live in trees. Smaller than rab-a-bits with long bushy tails and fun to chase.
Birds Many different shapes and sizes. Do not have fur, have feathers, strange objects that fall out when they fly and are fun to sniff. Some People keep these, too, again, because they cannot have a dog. Fun to chase, but some of them are big and look scary, and you should not go near them without a Mommy.
Raccoons The most wicked of all animals, I have saved the evilest for last. They are gray with crazy, ringed eyes and will tease you because they are smart and will sit outside of the glass and make faces at you. WARNING: Do not go near without Mommy because then they will run away, but not otherwise.


Other Creatures:
Horses Friendly Giants. Very big with stone-like paws and short furs. Comes in many colors. Extremely fun to play with. They do Work and have to pull people in big cars. It's not fair. Their lives are easier than mine.
Cows SCARY giants, found on Farms. Avoid at ALL costs. EXTREMELY FRIGHTENING and will scar you for life.

We all know how to depress our dogs. Face it. And while traveling, it is very important to keep your dog amused, because there is no emergency vet in some places, and that cannot  be good. Also, because if you make your dog depressed, you dog probably won't enjoy road trips. So here are 5 main ways on how to depress your dog while traveling:

1. Eat People Food in the car and pass it over their heads but never give it to them, and if you do, you only give them, like one or two thingies and then they are depressed again because it's never being given to them again, and being passed over their heads.
2. Refuse to let them chase Oh-SO-Scrumptious Squirrels and Rab-a-bits. 
3. Walk them just past where the Oh-SO-Scrumptious Squirrels and Rab-a-bits live.
4. Take them somewhere and just keep them cooped up in the car and then when you get there, you just Unpack and let them pee and then you all just go to bed and it's SO boring 'cuz I haven't done anything all day! And then I'm told to "quit my whining and let them SLEEP"?!
5. You take them for a long walk and then you sit for two squirrel-tails of a second and then you get up and go for an even LONGER walk, and I don't have time to REST?!

That's pretty much it... I won't bother you with the rest of my troubles 'cuz I complain A LOT.

You gotta be serious, right? Hours and hours in a hot, stinky, smelly car, while sitting next to hot, stinky, smelly people who can't even give  a dog a scrap when she asks for it. Crazy right? At least people should make their dog comfortable while they're traveling. 
Me, personally? I used to get super stressed every time they started packing my stuff and me... But at least I was comfy. Some advice:
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make your dog comfortable while they're traveling. It's stressful for all of us, you know, especially us puppies who like to stick our noses out of the window but are too short (well... actually I'm not a puppy, but I just say I am 'cuz I'm a teeny, tiny  bit small for my age... plus, whenever people pass me on the street they always say "Aww, what a cute puppy!" even if I am obviously an adult!) OOOH, here's a list of ways I like to relax when I travel:


Winter/Cold Season:

• Have a nap. It's nice to be able to gloat in front of everyone and be curled up napping in my bed while they're all stiff and having to SIT! for hours and hours and hours. Just don't put the bed on the seat. Please. Once we did that and every time they turned the car, I slipped in one direction and they grabbed me, and after some time, I began to get very worried about my own safety (I do that a lot). I like having my blanket, too. And Mommy says it saves space in the trunk! (Whatever THAT is. Those humans and their crazy words.)
• Chew a snack. Seriously, get real, dogs of the world. They're not going to give you their GREASY, wonderful-smelling drive-thru food and fries. So just bring your OWN snack. That'll make THEM jealous instead. (Hide it in your bed and then when they start to eat and push you away, bring it out and chew on it. It saves me from being yelled at.) Some of my favorite snacks include nylabones, rawhide bones (my vet says the diploma-roll ones are good for your teeth and won't get stuck in your throat!), and elk antlers (they're supposed to last 3 months and don't splinter, but last 3 DAYS if someone doesn't take it away from me, they're SO good. And healthy, too!).

Summer/Warm Season:

• Have a nap again. Napping, y'know. It never gets old. But this time, don't take your BED. That would be crazy in the hot season. I once tried it and I sweated through my fur! Nah. If you travel in the SUMMER, take a thingy-to-cover-the-seat (Mommy calls it a "Seat Coverer") and SIT! on it. And then if it's hot, make your people put water on it and THEN SIT! on it. Then you can take another nap.
• Chew a snack, have a DRINK. Just like in Winter, Summer is a good season to make them jealous, too. Except... it's HOT. So then my throat gets all dry and starts itching after I eat, so it could be nice to keep a bowl of water on the side, too. My family just keeps a 16-ounce bowl on the side and fills it with bottled water from their bottles whenever I need it. Don't fill it while the car is moving, though. We tried that and spilt it.
• Wet yourself. DON'T PEE. THIS DOES NOT MEAN TO PEE IN THE CAR. Absolutely, oh-my-squirrels, NOT. Put your face and paws in the water. It feels good. And your scruff. Just not too much or you'll smell like something called "Wet dog". Whatever that  is.

And Above All...:

• Whenever they stop for a food break, YOU stop for a pee break. It's very useful in not getting your mother angry.